Worst Staff Applications

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hi my name is obi i'm 42 and i'd would like to be staff on ur server! i know how to shut down servers and turn them on, I ALSO am so good at joining servers and writing in chat thx :D :D :D

 

Åçćėptęd. Ŵèłčòmë tō thê śtãff téåm.

 

In-game username: <input name here, probably something to do with farts or has "Its" in it.>
Age: 14 but I am so mature, like 4 realz, I know everything and I am smarter than anyone
Gender: Male
Location and Timezone: Due to me being highly educated person, I like to travel around to learn more, therefore my timezone is not fixed
How many staff applications have you made, when was your last application made? 1 but it was lost in the sea of bad applications

How long have you been playing Minecraft? Since early alpha stages (Fact that I couldn't read or write, or use PC back then doesn't matter)
How long have you been playing on the server? Since it first came out
How active are you on the Server? I am active all the time, but in different timezones. Might be the reason people don't see me online.
How active are you on the Forums? I have 2000 likes and 6000 messages, I am hyper famous because I need to feel important, I post everything everywhere as soon as it appears, I only hang out with staff members and people close to staff members because others are irrelevant
How active are you on TeamSpeak? I am active all the time, but I am never using my MICROPHONE which is the actual meaning of TeamSPEAK. Sending messages over chat is not the same if it's sent in game or in TS.
Purchases made on our server (optional): I have a Herobrine starter pack. Parents are giving me too much money which I don't appreciate and I feel the need to look badass on the server. Crappy attitude comes with it. (this is not meant to be insulting but it is 90% accurate.)

Personal questions
Previous experiences as a staff member: OFC!, I have been an admin on my 20 slots server which had 5 people online. Which were my brother, sister, best friend, my dad and my grandma.
What makes you a worthwhile helper? I am like super smart, and I'm the best. I think people love me because I have 2000 likes on my 6000 posts on forum, and ofc, I am a Herobrine, which means, I've donated to the server a lot, ergo I'm eligible of being a staff member.
Why we should choose you: I have subscribed, I have also liked and rated all the videos and I am a donator.
Extra comments (optional): I think I have proven myself to be a worthy candidate.





OFF TOPIC:
I hope everyone actually understood what I meant by making this "fake-ass app".
In short, this is how 70% of "good" applications actually look behind their masks. It is too many people thinking bunch of posts, "reputation" or high ranks make them worthy of this position, and sadly, because of that reason, Server administrators are forced of promoting some of these people because there's no other option at the moment. This is quite sad. I'm not questioning our server leader's decisions, I know they have no better choice.
I am also not saying selected staff members are bad, ofc not. I am just saying that I've been around when people like these got promoted because there was a high need for new staff members, and later, those members turned out to be exactly as I expected them to be. Enjoying their new fancy tag and perks, ignoring help requests from "greyname" people in chat, even though there were 2-3 active helpers available, tuning in only when there was an argument which they thought they will win because, after all, they are the smartest people in the world, even though they're 14.

 

*cough* superjustin *cough*