Tell me your favorite jokes

3 people are lost in the desert. They find a lamp and rub it. A genie pops out and grants them each one wish. The first one wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The second one wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The third said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

 

So a retard gets a new car.
He's driving in this new car and he wants to go faster, so this retard puts it into race mode and suddenly goes backwards!
After that incident, he gets a brand new car. He goes to work with it in the mornings with it and comes back near midnight. This guy says, "I'm completely fine in the morning getting to work since I put it in day mode, but when I shift it to night mode to come home, it doesn't move!"

Spoiler: Explanation

"R" stands for reverse but he thinks it means race mode. "D" stands for drive and he thinks it represents day mode. "N" means neutral but the idiot thinks it's night mode

 

What happened to the cow that jumped over barbed wire?
Udder destruction.

 

Yo mama is so stupid it took her two hours to watch 60 minutes

 

When do idiots use a trailer of 20 meters long to transport something they bought in a garden center?

Spoiler: Answer

When they bought a horse pipe
EDIT: It probably was a garden hose

 

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe.

Chemistry jokes are Sodium funny, I slapped my Neon that one.

I can't make another chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon :p

 

I don't get that one

 

Maybe because I don't really know the English word good... The thing that you use to spray your garden?
Anyway, it's usually rolled so it doesn't take a lot of space, but the idiot unrolled it in the length so he needs a 20 meter long trailer to transport it.


At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

 

Ant was in a bath of beans and said that sausage looks nice ant said it's not a sausage
@ItsJerry do u watch WWE

 

@ItsJerry
I got a joke..
YOUR FACE!!

 

I got funnier,
Your logic.

 

A neutron walked into a bar and asked the bartender, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you? No charge."