Tell me your favorite jokes

Discussion in 'General Discussion / Real life stuff' started by ItsJerry, May 10, 2015.

  1. Hed_crafter_nl

    Hed_crafter_nl -=- It's Heddy -=-

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    Two idiots try to start a fire: the 1st one says: "Are you sure the matches work?" The 2nd answers:"Yes, I've tried them all".
     
  2. Soupbased

    Soupbased Donator

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    Take two

    Atoms are the best liars. They make up everything
    There's a band called 1023mb but they haven't had any gigs.
    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
    C, E flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, no minors."

    Boy, am I fun at parties!
     
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  3. Emeritus_IV

    Emeritus_IV b e p i s Donator

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    I've seen that everywhere.
     
  4. Kick_In_Ass_

    Kick_In_Ass_ Lol Donator

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    Helium goes to a bar.
    The bartender says:"Sorry, we don't serve noble gases."
    He doesn't react
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2015
  5. dinoceros

    dinoceros Donator

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    Why is friday the best day of the week? Because they fry chicken.

    Unfunny?

    ok. ._____________.
     
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  6. SellZy

    SellZy Donator

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    The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!''

    Totally didn't find this from the internet.. xD
    I'm not funny ok.
     
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  7. dinoceros

    dinoceros Donator

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    Why did I laugh
     
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  8. Lethalities

    Lethalities Donator

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    Does normal dogs say when they saw police dogs, "Oh sh**, its the cops!"

    Edit:
    Teacher: *gives paper*
    Teacher: write on the paper what you want to become

    All student wrote chef doctor etc but Chris wrote

    Chris: I want to be like Lebron James

    Shave my hair
    Be tall
    Be Black


    Do you know whats better than child's laughter? Not having kids.


    People say you can be anything you want.

    I said: I'll be a potato



    When my neighbor isn't in home, I rolled on vegetable garden acting like a carrot



    Teacher: Okay class, tell me what you wanna be and why.

    John: I want to be a president to give donations to the poor

    Alyssa: I want to be a doctor to give free medical surgery and check-ups to the poor

    Shaun: I want to be a chef to give food the poor

    Teacher: How about you Lazy Jack

    Lazy Jack: I want to be poor so I won't do jobs in my life.




    last one:
    image.jpg
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2015
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  9. _Restrictionz_

    _Restrictionz_ Donator

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    There were 3 men on a roadtrip named poop, shut up and manners. Poop fell out the window and manners went out to help him up. Shut up went to the nearest police station to get help. The police asked him what his name was. He said shut up. The police said where are your manners boy? Shut up said he is outside picking up poop.
     
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  10. CakeSquid

    CakeSquid Top 16 Ranked in Spleef Donator

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    I love the laughter of children.

    ...Unless the power is out and I'm home alone in the dark....
     
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  11. CaptainJackValdy

    CaptainJackValdy I got a plan to save the server, just have faith

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    Get shot FOR SCIENCE!!
    Get burned FOR SCIENCE!!
    (I let you guys guess the last one)
    Get Freezed...
    ...FOR HUMAN ICE CREAM!!
    What did you expect? Science? Yeh, this one sucks btw.

    And Second one.

    A man and his wife are sitting in a car listenning to radio.
    Radio: "Be careful! On the Pirate (yes, Pirate) highway that goes to north, there is one idiot that goes the Opposite direction."

    Wife: This is our highway! Be careful of this one idiot!
    Man: There are LOTS of these idiots that go the opposite direction!
    The man is this one Idiot that goes in the wrong direction
     
  12. Gamesco

    Gamesco

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    what did both ducks say

    QYaCK ( I spelt that wrong awww shit )
     
  13. MC_Scout

    MC_Scout Fearless Leader Staff Member Manager

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    Have you seen Steve wonder's house?




    Neither has he
     
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  14. _Restrictionz_

    _Restrictionz_ Donator

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    Best one ever
     
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  15. The_Demonstar01

    The_Demonstar01 k-on most moe anime 2017

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    i don't play this game anymore yet i'm still here why do you ask, i don't know either
    What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
    Aye Matey!

    my jokes are horrible ;n;
     
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  16. CaptainJackValdy

    CaptainJackValdy I got a plan to save the server, just have faith

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    No he said:

    Please... donate money, Im starviiing!
    (Cuz he said f**k you to his boss and left doing piracy but failed completely. He lost his ship and now his homeless.)
     
  17. Hed_crafter_nl

    Hed_crafter_nl -=- It's Heddy -=-

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    Lol I found a site where so many jokes in this thread are coming from xD I won't post the link because that's advertising.
    Now my joke:

    Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
    Brunette: "I don’t know."
    Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

    EDIT:
    (I don't think all blondes are stupid etc. this was just the joke)

    Two idiots fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

    My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

     
  18. CaptainJackValdy

    CaptainJackValdy I got a plan to save the server, just have faith

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    LOL
     
  19. LadyGaga

    LadyGaga The cake isn't a lie Donator

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    Why does the stupid stand in a corner of the room?


    The stupid thinks it's a corner from 90 degrees. (Sounds better in Dutch...)
     
  20. Warden

    Warden Donator

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    What happens when a frogs car breaks down?

    It gets Toad away.