Tell me your favorite jokes

liven up, and throw it out there, nobody seems to be judging others on here.

Thanks to the enchantment tables, I bet most get that I, II, III, IV, V, V=5

 

I seriously don't get it lol

 

The cannibal ate her boyfriend then 'dumped' him.

 

okay


so a little boy comes home from school, and comes home to see his parent fighting.
mom: You're a bitch!
dad: Well you're an asshole!
boy: Mommy, daddy? What does bitch and asshole mean?
Parents: Oh, it just means ladies and gentleman.
Boy: Ok.

The boy comes home the next day to see their parents having sex.
Dad: I love your tits!
Mom: I love your dick!
Boy: Mommy daddy, what does tits and dick mean?
Parents: Oh, it means coats and hats, sweetie.

The boy comes home on thanksgiving day to see his mom stuffing the turkey, and his dad shaving.
Mom: *cuts hand* Fuck!
Boy: Mommy, what does fuck mean?
Mom: Oh, it's just another word for stuffing.
Boy: Ok.

Boy goes downstairs to see dad shaving.
Dad: *cuts himself with razor* Shit!
Boy: Daddy, what does shit mean?
Dad: oh, it's just a type of shaving cream.

*Le doorbell rings*

Dad: Oh, it must be the relatives.
Boy: ILL GET IT ILL GET IT
Boy: *opens le door* Welcome bitches and assholes! You can go put your tits and dicks in the closet over there while mom's fucking the turkey and dad's wiping the shit off his face!

 

You know I was going to tell a joke about Marco from Attack on Titan, but I forgot half of it

I'm a bad person

 

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?

Firetruck!!

What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

Popcorn!!

XDDDD Omg Thats The Best Joke Ever I LVE IT SEND ME IT IRL!

 

Why... why do I feel uncomfortable about this...?

 

uncomfortable*

 

If H2O is water and H202 is hydrogen peroxide, then what is H2O4?

Spoiler: Answer

Drinking

Did you know that cracking math puns are the first sine of madness?

What do you do to dead chemists?

Spoiler: Answer

You should try to helium or curium, if it's not possible, then just barium.

Oh man those last jokes were sodium funny, I slapped my neon that last one!

So anyways, I asked the person next to me if he had any Hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

By the way, you shouldn't trust atoms since they make up everything.

I really don't have any more chemistry jokes except for that one about sodium. Actually Na, it's horrible.

I'll stop making all of these jokes because all the good ones Argon

Edit: Some of these are already taken soo...

 

Oh what a time to be doing chemistry.

Spoiler: My attempt at a really bad chemistry joke

'Did you hear the joke about Sodium hydrogen and hydroxide? NaH, because it doesn't exist'

'OH'

What did the dog say to the cat?
Woof

What did the bird say to the cat?
Chirp

What did the fish say to the cat?
Blub

What did the cat say to another cat?
Meow


Ok you guys shouldn't suffer anymore, my jokes are baaaaaaad. xd

What do you call a door that does not close?
A broken door.

What do you call a chair that does not stand?
A broken chair.

What do you call a tv that does not turn on?
A tv without the power cord in.



Why did the chicken cross the road?


To get to the other side.


Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to KFC.



What did the nose with a cold say to the shoes?
I think I'm doing more running than you.


What did one wave say to the other?
Nothing, they just waved.

What did the other wave say to the sand?
What a beach!

Why did the tomato blush?
Cause it saw the salad dressing.

 

So funny, I forgot to laugh

 

when you outsmart someone

 

Want to know a joke? Your career. ;o

 

I just thought of this 2 minutes ago...
Here it goes:

Your mama is so ugly
That when a enderman looked at her
She chased after the enderman.

I'm terrible at making jokes... ._.

 

Latin puns xD ( I take Latin in school :p)

 

Me: What do you wanna do when you grow up?
Friend: I want to be a pilot.
Me: I wanna do doctors XD

 

The best joke so far <3

 

I'm horrible at telling jokes. But here goes.

Three couples are dining together. To impress their significant other, the men use cheesy pick-up lines. The first says, "Pass the honey, honey." The second takes the example and so does the third. While the third is thinking of something, the second man says, "Pass the sugar, sugar." In a desperate attempt to take a stab at it, the third man says, "Pass the kalua, pig."

I just realized how horrible my jokes are when they're typed out xD

 

Fill in the blanks:

PU_S_
S_X
P_N_S
__NDOM
BOO_S

Spoiler: Answers

Pulse
Six
Pants
Random
Books