The thing I hate about coming out is the way society expects it to go down. When gay people come out, more often than not they are expected to almost have to beg for their families love, and if they receive it without having to, they are expected to be over the moon and rejoice and be thankful and think, “what loving family and friends I have”. The way coming out should go down is the exact opposite. Families and friends should almost have to beg for your love, and should most definitely be apologetic for the homophobic shit they most likely put you through whilst you were still in the closet. They should be like, “I’m sorry I was a bigoted prick all these years, I hope you can still love me and forgive me”. The thing that bothered me the most when I came out was that my families reaction was just, “of course we have no problem, we love you no matter what”… when what I really wanted was an apology. An apology for having been ignored for years, an apology for having to sit though homophobia not only by them, but by my extended family and their friends. But what I got was, “of course it’s not a problem, now lets not talk about it again and lets not bring up all the horrible shit that we said to you openly or allowed to be said about gay people openly because we don’t want to feel bad”. It bothers me so much to this day how much society loves to praise straight people for being so accepting of gay people but no one ever praises gay people for accepting and loving their families through the years despite all the homophobia. It bothered me, when I was coming out, that my parents felt like they were good parents just for accepting me. It’s so unacceptable, from my point of view, for parents to say “Many other families would’ve kicked you out, but we’re accepting this, so be grateful.” Coming out was honestly just a frustrating experience for me, just as I’m sure it is for many other people within the LGBT community. My parents accused me of trying to be intentionally hurtful towards them when I was explaining how suffocating and painful it had been to be in the closet and for family friends or them to ask me if there were any girls I liked, when in reality I was just trying to convey my honest experience so they would understand why being out was important to me. Subsequently, they pushed me to avoid coming out to my friends (in case their parents heard about it) and to be silent about it around my extended family. I refused the former but conceded the latter. But it was just terrible, to feel like acceptance was enough for my parents. I kept asking them, “What happens when I get married in the future? Are you going to tell our relatives?” And they would be silent. And I wouldn’t know if, faced with someone religious or just illogically anti-LGBT, if they would really defend who I was as a person or turn away in shame and embarrassment. I hope that coming out won’t be like that in the future. I hope that families can be supportive units even within the confines of ideological differences. And though I also think parents should generally be careful of whatever hateful rhetoric they spew, no matter how “logical” their position is, I also think that it’s equally important for parents to own up to their mistakes in retrospect. Sorry that is so long but, I just wanted to tell you guys this and how I felt.
I hope one day coming out wont be such a big deal because being gay shouldn't matter, I mean it matters but regardless its how they are and its okay no matter what. I wish everyone could accept that.
Theres such a stigma with coming out and it sucks completely because at home / irl for a person, not every community where people live will be entirely or accepting at all. People will be extremely homophobic and it is still potentially dangerous for someone's physical and mental well being and they will be harrassed constantly (which none of that is deserved). At the same time, in more open communities (ie: forums bc at one point there was a mass coming out, youtube community, households where children are raised to be more open minded / treat people truly equally etc.) then coming out doesn't become as big of a deal, but trust me, it still is. I'm saying this as someone who went to a school where it was fully accepted for people to be openly LGBT+ in all areas. I was actually outed by someone who thought it wasn't a personal violation to speak about my sexuality to others, with the knowledge that it wasn't something I was open about or up for discussion, and even now that I'm 'out' in that area, I still feel tempted to put myself in this 'heteronormative', for lack of better word, box. It can suffocating, being on both sides, and it isn't always fun and games, depending on your situation. I've been verbally attacked and physically threatened for being bi && that isn't okay. I'm not suggesting don't come out, because if you're completely comfortable and feel safe and that's want tou want to do, then do it. But your safety comes first and think things through and 'test the waters' before meeting and telling someone new. People will judge, but there will be people judging in every aspect of your life, so try not to let that hold you guys back too much:)
From day one my parents and family always tell me and my sibling that it's more than okay if we are gay (even though we're not). I never hear homophobic things from them nor close family. I totally agree with you and am lucky I live with such an accepting family even though I don't identity with LGBT. I hope things get better Robert.
Another thing I seriously hate is when people "come out" as gay just for popularity. Seriously though, I even thought I didn't like gay relationships because I was confused with the concept of being gay for popularity. But now I realized I'm not infuriated by gay people, I'm infuriated by the fact that some people "come out" and after they break up with their bf/gf, they are suddenly straight. Gay people go through homophobia and they hide themselves from who they are. I'm gonna be honest, if I were gay I'd do all I could to turn back to straight and hide myself from the rest of the world for acceptance because I'm that much of a coward unlike the LGBT people who gather the courage to actually tell others how they feel, and I admire that. I remember a friend who is 1o years old who said he was gay after this guy asked him out. The guy was ACTUALLY gay, but then the couple broke up and then he said "Hey guys, I was just saying that so I would get attention. No regrets :3" I was really pissed off. And I have friends who are dating online and the younger person recently came out, but before that he was straight and even had a girlfriend. I suspect he's straight as a pole, but that's just me. If I tell him that he'll just get triggered and go "OMG MERC YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC OMG HOW COULD YOU I HATE YOU WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE." So yeah I really hate when people pretend to be gay because: 1.- They're attention whores. 2.- They're being someone who they really aren't. Who wants that, tbh? If you say you're gay but you really just want attention then come clean. Sure, you'll get some backlash, but you won't be stuck knowing that you aren't actually gay and you're dating a man. Seriously though, that must be uncomfortable. Let me be clear here, I'm not saying that all gays are gay for attention, I'm just saying that there are some assholes who take advantage of a "trend" according to them (which is obviously false, since it is just being honest.) when there are actually people who suffer.
