What to do when you're accused of hitting someone you hate but you didn't do it

Throw this epic speech at them:

"I did not do it. I DID NOT PUNCH HIM/HER BUT I WISH THAT I HAD. WATCHING THAT TWAT CRY GAVE ME MORE RELIEF THAN A THOUSAND PEPPERONI PIZZAS!

I wish I was this monster you all think I am. I wish I had enough fists for a whole pack of you. I WOULD GLADLY GIVE MY LIFE TO WATCH YOU ALL RECEIVE ONE IN THE FACE.

I will not have a month without Internet because of this and I know I'll get no justice here so I will let the gods decide my fate. I demand a trial by COMBAT."

If you do it well enough, they'll leave you alone
Unless of course they accept the trial by combat and you get your arse kicked

Pro tip: Don't try this on TheLegend27

Totally not from GoT lol wtf