The Fortune Cookies of TeamTyler

Spoiler: I did not write all these/I skipped inappropriate ones

1. Candy will come in the mailbox
2. You will never find true love
3. A b**** will get hit by a bus
4. You will clear your plot
5. You will become a princess
6. You'll win the lottery
7. Your kindness will kill you
8. You will her [Hero]
9. Demons will possess you
10. You will become rich
11. You will follow your dreams
12. Your nose will fall off
13. You will find out you're gay
14. At noon your ex will die
15. You will lose everything
16. Look behind you
17. You will pick your nose
18. Good luck is coming your way
19. You will get a pet llama
20. You will go to sleep
21. Pen pineapple apple pen
22. You will win free McDonalds
23. You will break your face
24. You won't have a fortune
25. Pokemon Go will ruin you
26. The pie you ate has salmonella
27. Don't eat soup with a fork
28. You will adopt a kitten
29. I will kill you
30. You will kill yourself
31. You will cure cancer
32. Scary clowns will attack you
33. You have something on your leg
34. This cookie will explode
35. That shirt looks horrible
36. You will drown in butter
37. You will die tonight
38. You will become better at PvP
39. Your TV will explode
40. You will eat a big pile of poo
41. You will get banned from here
42. The furries will eat you
43. Christmas will be cancelled
44. You will marry a "Maria"
45. A brighter future will come
46. You will eat this cookie
47. You will turn into a cat
48. I can't help, I'm a cookie!
49. You will buy shoes
50. You will get pregnant
51. You will blow up in your sleep
52. Cancer will kill a loved one
53. The end is near and it's all your fault!
54. Meh
55. Try another cookie
56. Don't eat Chinese food
57. Someone has Googled you
58. That corn you ate wasn't corn
59. You will go to jail
60. You are a fat American
61. Happiness is right under your nose
62. Your crush will kiss you

Still expanding! Put down ideas for fortune cookies!