Self-Esteem

I need to get something off my chest.
This'll probably come back to bite me in the ass, but I'm gonna do it anyways because you guys might be able to help (or at least relate) to me.

For a really long time, I've had some pretty bad self-esteem issues. I probably don't show them often on the forums because when I post things I'm usually in a good/decent mood.

No, it's usually when I'm losing at something or doing badly at something. Or if I'm being chastised for being a screw up. Especially if I'm way behind everybody else and everyone's doing the thing miles better than me. (Now that I read this I realize I sound like a complete sissy, and I probably am, but I digress.)
I start calling myself things. Usually these things are vulgar so I can't post all of them, but generally it's stuff like "You're such an idiot!" "You waste of life." "Nobody wants you around."
And it's gotten to the point where I want to harm myself. No, I don't use a razor, but I end up doing things like scratching myself, hitting/punching parts of my body, and pulling my hair. I feel like I deserve to be punished for how bad I am.

I know none of this is really normal and it's probably going to get me made fun of later in life for being so dumb and childish. I don't know if you guys have any advice (other than "quit being such a sissy" I guess. Because that's not going so well.) but if you've gone through self-esteem issues and have come up from it I'd appreciate the advice.

Sorry if this thread sounds stupid. Because if I was somebody else reading this I'd probably call it stupid too, but this is how it is. I know what I'm getting on with is insanely dumb, but I can't seem to stop.

Thanks for letting me vent. :)

 

Trust me, I do not think think thread is 'stupid' in any shape or form.
Everyone at some point will most likely go though the same thing you are going though right now.
With me, I do not have a low self-esteem, but it will not stop me from trying to help anyway, or at least give advice.

For me, I have learned a lot of things in the course of my life but one of the most important one of those things is that, in life, there is always going to be someone that is 3 miles ahead of you, and that applies to everyone, including myself.
Also, another thing is that there is always going to be someone to criticise you, me, and everyone else.
That's how humans work, we are not going to agree with the other all the time.
In some cases, not at all. Some people just choose to be rude about it.
As long as we are all human, we will always be bad at something.
I am pretty sure I am captain obvious here, but we all need reminders of what we are worth, don't we?


You're not a sissy.

And for the other part, I can relate to in some form, specifically the name-calling.
I used to do this a while ago, but not so long ago to where it is irrelevant.

From what I have learned, calling yourself names will get you nowhere except for doing the opposite.
It will hurt you.
Calling yourself names is not a good thing to do, because when you look at it from hindsight now, what has it done for me, or you? Nothing, but hurt.

However, the only thing that can stop this, is you, just like I had to do to myself.
It is not easy, as it can form into a 'habit', and especially since I do not know what you are going though exactly, as every situation is different.
As for thinking you should be punished, the obvious awnser is that you do not be.
Quite the opposite actually.
If you really felt like you have done something wrong, I would recommend talking to someone about it, or think on what you could do to fix/apologize for said act. (This advice is not 100% accurate, keep that in mind, but if you feel like anything of what I said could help, do it)