Illuminati Confirmed

In this game, what you have to do is make a spoiler in your post and in the spoiler try to make a non-sense reason which is as long as possible to why the person above you is Illuminati.
I'll start with Notch.

Spoiler: Notch is Illuminati

Notch created Minecraft.
Minecraft has 9 letters.
Notch's personal name is Markus.
Markus has 6 letters.
6 and 9 can both be divided by 3 without becoming a fraction. Not to mention 69.
A triangle has 3 sides.
The Illuminati is a triangle.