thinking about applying for staff again, but due to my past actions, I'm not so sure they want me as staff again tbh.
Go for it if you truly desire. If you do apply for staff again, I would suggest waiting a bit, as said above. To be frank, even if you did make your application today, it would be preposterous for them to automatically decline it.
Go for it. If you want staff, you won't mess up. You can apply and in the time it takes for your app to be accepted/denied you can prove how much you want it.
and soon he realized what a cruel world he was living in. then he realized again the great impact he could make on it.