Urges and Apologies

So, just to clarify, this isn't a leaving thread per se. Sure, I may be leaving somewhat soon, but this isn't some sort of massive "oh no I'm leaving everyone cry for me" thread. Those are nonsensical.
No, in fact, I shall never view the replies to this thread. A lot of people may disagree with me. If you do, then I shall not be able to respond. If the sensible wish to defend my points, then they may do so.
My point is that this isn't a leaving thread, nor is it a drama thread. This is an urge and an apology.

I begin with a few urges to the forum community. I have attempted (and returned in February) to direct my efforts towards the improvement of the forums. My efforts, however, have been mostly in vain. Sure, I was listened to. And yet, even so, I haven't been able to change very much around here.
So when I urge the community to take what I say here into account, keep in mind that I do it with the utmost hope for the betterment of the forums, and through this, the community.

My first urge: Don't get trapped in an online relationship. Unless you're old enough to the point where both members of the relationship possess the capability to visit each other (which applies for only two couples on this site if I'm not mistaken), an online relationship will be detrimental towards both you as well as your partner.
A relationship has multiple sides to it. There's the experiential side and the emotional side. The experiential side involves doing an activity with your partner, gaining a better understanding of their personality and gauging how well you synchronize with them. Through a tennis date, for instance, both you and your partner enjoy the other's company through a satisfyingly fun game of tennis. As being around your partner is enjoyable by itself, this makes a game of tennis with specifically them ten times more fun than a game of tennis with the wall. Your subconsciousness will also pick up on aspects of their personality - for instance, how much fun they're having, how competitive they are, how they rub off on you - and you subconsciously gain a new perspective of that person. An experiential activity will bring you and your partner closer together, and this is crucial for a relationship.
The emotional side involves conscious understanding of your partner. In this, you share stories about yourself or talk about yourself (as well as the other person) via discussion. This is the deeper stuff that usually comes later in a relationship. A romantic dinner date, for instance, epitomizes this side. Just you and your partner, openly revealing information about yourself to each other. This builds trust (though not complete trust) in a relationship. It lets you consciously get to know your partner, and is also crucial for a relationship to develop. It leads to deeper feelings than a purely experiential relationship, and will allow both partners to become jointly connected.
Both of these sides are necessary for a relationship between people to develop. They are necessary in order to learn about the other person and enjoy their presence. If there's too much of the experiential side (see also: friends with benefits), you'll be distraught, having no idea about who the person actually is. If there's too much of the emotional side (see also: Internet relationships)... Well, I'll get to that in a moment, actually.
When I made that "Is love real" thread, I wasn't doing it to be a special snowflake. I legitimately believe that love in its purest form (in other words, pure selflessness) cannot exist. One cannot do something for the sole fact that we want the other person to gain from it. There is always a subliminal personal motive, whether we recognize it or not. Even the lover that sacrifices him/herself for their beloved has a subconscious motive - they want the satisfaction of knowing that their beloved is safe.
A purely emotional relationship depends on pure love existing. Love in its purest form is simply impossible with humans, which are selfish, flawed beings. We can try to get as close to love as possible. For a human in a relationship, that must be their goal. For this to happen, a relationship must remain beneficial for both people involved. As such, the person must be able to enjoy the other's company in an activity or in general (experiential) as well as learn about the other and better understand them (emotional).
Internet relationships are purely emotional. They run on discussion alone. And no, playing a game together hardly works as an experiential form because there is no physical presence. Physical presence is necessary for both people to fully enjoy the other. This is scientific fact. An Internet relationship may seem to be fun at first. It's purely emotional, so you understand the other person so quickly. You feel attuned to them, and while a trust develops, the lack of an experiential side means that such trust can hardly be actualized. There will always be a subconscious doubt. So your relationship will progress way too fast, in other words. Protip: if you start dating someone and they tell you "I love you" in a month and a half, cut it off - and anyone experienced in real life relationships will agree with that advice as well. The near-attainment of love takes time, and if you're saying it that fast, that's because your relationship is purely emotional. In most relationships, those three words will take at least a year to come up. That's honestly the way it should be. Purely emotional relationships encourage this jump way too quickly, often leading to relationships that seem to be deep but are actually incredibly shallow.
The lack of an experiential side damages the relationship as well. Your subconscious needs to remain entertained by a relationship in order to appreciate the other person. As such, without that experiential side, you'll get bored of the relationship rather quickly (once again, with the exception being couples who are able to meet). A deep-yet-shallow relationship can often become very one-sided as a result, as you tire of an fail to trust your partner. And as you move through the relationship far too fast, it's essentially doomed.
I'll give an exception to people like Kate and Xenon, who have been able to meet in real life. If you possess the capability to visit and spend time with the other person in real life, you can gain both sides of a healthy relationship, and thus it can work. If not, you'll find yourself trapped in the perpetual doom of a purely emotional relationship.
Look, I'm not a sadist. I get no joy of seeing people break up. But for your own good, I couldn't recommend it more. Trust me... Internet relationships simply don't work.
"But Peter, how would you know?"
I know because not only was I once involved in an Internet relationship, but I have also analyzed others' relationships too. Human nature simply cannot allow for a purely emotional relationship - and there is proof by reason, by statistic, and by example.
"Don't lie - you're just bitter about your failure of an Internet relationship and you're trying to bring down everyone else!"
I've been told this when I've said similar statements. This isn't my intention whatsoever. I am using my past relationship as a point of analysis, not a point of repressed anger. But even so, my internet relationship was a perfect example. Similar things happened to me. It became very one-sided, and I was emotionally distressed afterwards. However, having blocked out these emotions, I can now view it from a purely analytic point of view.
Through my failures, I have learned. It is impossible for an Internet relationship in which both members cannot freely see each other to survive.
So, members of the forums, I urge you to heed my advice. I get it. A lot of us go on the forums because they feel alone in real life. Heck, that's why I originally joined. But the ending of an Internet relationship will just make you feel alone and distraught regardless. As such, if you are in an Internet relationship, consider the empirical facts before angrily commenting "that's not tru & ur a liar" here. I'm saying because I want the best for all of you. It just doesn't work. Don't fall into the trap. Also, make no mistake - there are good people here who also happen to be involved in an Internet relationship. At the end of the day, I can't really force you into doing anything. This is an urge, not a mandate. But for those of you out there who are involved in an Internet relationship (and especially if you're a nice person), I speak for your own sake. This is for your own good.
("We've been dating for two years on the Internet now so clearly it's okay" is not a justifiable reason, by the way. What I said still applies - it lacks the necessities of a relationship and is doomed.)
But hey, don't believe me? Take a look for yourself at the following study, which reveals that breakup rates are higher and both satisfaction and duration are lower in Internet relationships: http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/pdfplus/10.1089/cyber.2014.0302


It's been over a year since I originally suggested to purge the atrocity of likespamming from this website. My suggestion was met with a large amount of acclaim, but never actually passed. Simply put, it would be difficult to effectively monitor the distribution of likes without putting a cap on it. So no, the staff can't take a lot of action against it, and I understand that. So who CAN take action against it? You. By discouraging likespam and not partaking in it, you can help to limit this atrocity and those who dare commit it.
So first, we have to ask ourselves - why is likespamming detrimental? It is harmful because it changes the inherent sign of quality that is in a "like." When you "like" a post, you essentially say, "This post has greater quality than every post that I have not liked. I am showing that I believe this the credit the person for his good work." There is no other meaning to a like. That is the sole purpose of a like. After all, that's why some people want a high like to post ratio - because they want to be recognized for the quality that they put into their posts. Higher quality posts help the forums to come together.
So as more members join the forums as it gains popularity, more people will see your posts, and more people will like those posts in turn.
Like to post ratios used to be really hard to make rise over 1. When the new forums first started, likes were fairly new. Don't get me wrong, we had "Thanks" at the end of the old forums, but not for very long. The average post would get 0 likes. A thread of really, really impressive quality would get 0-2 likes. In January 2014, the average post would still get 0 likes. A really, really, really high quality thread would get an average of 20 likes (the most viewed suggestion of that time had 20 likes). One year ago, the average post would get 1 like, and a really, really high quality thread would get around 40 likes. Now, the average post gets 2 likes. A really, really, really high quality thread can get just shy of 100 likes. Like to Post ratios used to be wayyyyy more difficult to get than they are now, which is why I felt so accomplished when I finally got mine to be 1:1. I felt pleased that my content was accepted by the forums, and they had viewed my posts as having quality.
But when you likespam someone, you don't likespam them because they have good quality posts. You likespam them because you want to give them more likes, cheating the system that others have posts genuinely good content for. No, you don't just do it to "spam them with alerts." If you wanted to do that, you could just repetitively follow and unfollow them. You're trying to tip their like to post ratio in their favor.
And if those likes aren't genuine, then their ratio is a lie, because their posts aren't as good as their ratio would otherwise suggest. So in other words, Person A might post with higher quality than Person B. And yet, if Person B gets likespammed, it makes it look like Person B posts of higher quality instead. And this ration does matter, believe it or not - it shows who the members with the best contributions via posts are. So by likespamming, you're ruining the ration. Suddenly, likes don't mean anything. Likespamming is a dishonest practice, and if you still want likes to mean anything, I recommend you cease this practice immediately.
You may have noticed that there's less for this statement than there was for the last one. This is true. However, that's because I've addressed likespamming more often, and the reasons for it being detrimental are simplistic.
Similarly to my last urge, I can't force you into not likespamming, and it's very difficult to make a rule against it. There are good people who might be involved in likespamming. But I urge you to not participate in it for the sake of those around you. It isn't for me... It's for them.



I have no more urges. Now, it's time for something a little more... Personal.
I hate apology threads.
For me, apology threads are stupid, because 99% of the time they're there for attention. However, like I said, I'm never viewing the replies to this thread, so there's no attention that I could gain from it. And if I may leaving soon, then I can't keep this on my chest.
I do not expect "we forgive you," because honestly, I hardly deserve it. Whether you forgive me, or decide to be like "I'll forgive but not forget," ultimately, I won't care. It's not like I'm ever viewing the responses to this thread. When I first joined this website, I had a bad reputation. I didn't leave because my reputation was if the utmost concern to me. I wanted to leave with a neutral reputation at least.
This confession should rightfully destroy this reputation. So any respect that I previously had deserves to be taken away. If I depart, then I do so with the utmost of shame.
I'm sorry.
I've been in a longtime involvement concerning the manipulation of the forums. I don't fully understand why I tried to do it. I think I have an idea, but very few people actually deserve to know why. Those who do will find out, one way or another.
It was October 2013, I believe. There was a situation with UnGod, a member on the forums who had (gasp) rebuked something that I had posted. I was furious. At the time, I had the respect of so many people. His statements threatened to undermine this respect. As such, by playing into people's weaknesses, I got them to instigate a flame war with him. UnGod was banned, and then left. The members themselves were reprimanded. I received no consequences. After that, I just... Descended.
The new forums came up, and I made use of dramatically themed threads to get people to listen. When I was losing influence, I decided to manipulate everyone. I made Cannoli, a lie of an account, to trick everyone into opposing certain members. Then I came back as Yomc, making a suggestion to destroy post count and essentially turn people with high post counts into social pariahs. I got everyone to respect me by force. And that's only one example that everyone already knows about.
I've done much, much more than that, many instances of which you aren't familiar with. From then to around August 2014, if I've spoken to you, I've likely manipulated you at one point, even my close friends.
After that, I stopped, to an extent. I still somewhat manipulated the staff team by drastically pushing rules to the point where a thread was basically a drama thread, but no one thought twice about it.
Barely anyone called me out on it. A few people have, fairly recently, seen through what I did. To them, I'm sorry. To those I've manipulated, I'm also sorry.
You don't have to forgive me. What I've done is disgraceful, even though it occurred a while ago. I... I guess I'm just really sorry. What I had done destroyed other people's trust in me. I don't really deserve trust in the first place. Please, don't make the same mistakes that I have made.
Look... I'm being vague here, I know. But honestly, the things I have done with regard to manipulation are heinous. I feel a lot of regret right now for what I have done in the past. My foolish search for "power" was, well... Foolish. I hope you guys can understand if you're perhaps familiar with some of the events that I'm referring to. Once again, I'm sorry - and I know I'm repeating this a lot but I can't emphasize it enough.

Spoiler

I do, however, think I'm coming to understand just where my manipulative nature, if it even exists like I think it does, stems from. It's pretty personal, but people that were very highly wronged deserve to know. And if I think that I've wronged you enough to the point where you deserve a further explanation... Well, there are only two of you, but I've already technically notified both people that I want to discuss it. Technically.

I urge the forums to empathize with my plight and to consider my advice, as well as to understand that I speak with the best of intentions.

 

Who the fuck goes on a tennis date

 

To the people out there that are in internet relationships right now, you're most likely going to have your heart broken because your partner is going to more than likely find someone local that they can go through that experiential side with and end up leaving you in the dust, so to speak (not really leave you in the dust, cause that sounds a little overkill, but you know what I mean. I hope). If you're starting to feel your relationship is progressing to quickly, you just need to find someone local that you can attain both sides of the relationship with because you'll most likely end up being happier with them. However, I can't deny that there are relationships out there that work being purely online, but you gotta realize they don't truly become 100% relationships until you have consistent physical experiences. Not saying that as a definition of a true relationship, but more of a guideline. Note things like eHarmony, the people that do end up having "good" relationships online end up getting married. Marriage is the beginning of the experiential side for those couples, however extreme that might sound doesn't matter; all relationships that have any hope of being whole-hearted ones need an experiential side.

TL;DR: Your best bet is finding someone that is within a close range of your residence, because it will be much easier to carry on an experiential side of a relationship with someone that is local.