My absence explained

As you may know I have been gone for quite some time, let me explain. I heard a rumor of a prophecy about sacred peanut shell in the Betung Keruhun Jungle of Indonesia. The prophecy stated that he who shall remove every last morsel of grape cheese from the peanut shell with one single lick will be the rightful new KING of Indonesia.

Upon hearing of the prophecy I immediately knew that I must of been the one the prophecy spoke of and started my journey right away. I started in the town of Recife Brazil and began swimming across Atlantic Ocean. I stayed hydrated by storing water in my mouth where I would preform reverse osmosis and turn it into fresh water. After swimming for about 2 months with no little sleep, surviving only off of water and the occasional raw fish, I arrived in Gabon Africa where I started my journey on foot. During the day I would trek through the hot deserts and harsh jungles and during the night I stayed low and fought lions, cheetahs and any other animals that would find me. It was a rough time but eventually I managed to make my way to the coast of the Indian Ocean where I once again starting swimming while surviving off of raw fish and self produced water. This is when I started losing track of time but I believe this journey across the Indian Ocean took about 3 months as I was beginning to get very tired and could not swim nearly as fast as I could previously.

Then I finally made it to Indonesia, made my way to the Betung Keruhun Jungle and began my extremely long search for the sacred peanut shell filled with grape cheese. I don't know if you have ever looked for a peanut shell in a 3,000 square mile jungle but it is not easy. After several months of searching I finally found it embedded in an old birds nest.

I snatched the peanut shell from the nest and began my walk back to the current kings palace, walked up the palace stairs and entered the main room where he currently sat in his thrown. I walked up to him, raised the peanut shell to my mouth and with one FOUL SWOOP of the tongue I removed every last trace of grape cheese from the peanut shell! Then the king looked at me funny and told his guards to kick me out... I guess the guy that told me of the prophecy was a liar. :(

But good news! I have heard of a different prophecy, but that is all I can say for now. I will be back someday to tell you the story!

 

sounds more like an adventure than an explained absence

 

Wb for now

all we need now is @FlakyNoodledLlama

 

Don't worry I'm sure he will be around sooner or later. Ill shine the llama signal into the sky with the grape cheese powered megalamp!

Sure it was an adventure, but it was a grape cheese adventure. I had to dedicate all of my time to it which means I could no longer be here.

 

why didn't you take me

 

Congratulations on your safe return.

I do recommend not to go onto another voyage if it is merely a rumor.

I have heard that the true prophecy is inhaling 14oz of grape cheese in 3 minutes to be crowned the title of "Cheese God"

 

are you sure you didn't spend your absence just trying to write this amazing story? xd
but welcome back
do you have any grapecheese for me?