Feeling depressive ,-,

poe · Jul 19, 2017

Well yeah here is my story with bad grammar because i honestly can't type at all but i think u can read it.

Anyway everytime i did something irl without asking my mum my sister got mad. And she keeps asking me to do things, but i always say no..

Then i start swearing out of nowhere (idk why) but then she calls my mum and then we have a big conversation, and im always the wrong guy here. and everyday my mood is 0 honestly. i feel like the disgrace of my family, i have stolen money from them and now my dad lost his job and needs to start over again. anyway i also hacked on this server on multiple accounts and that hit me the most, i honestly want to kill myself i feel like shit all the time, i can't be staff anymore and that was actually my goal on this server, and after i got unbanned i havent been playing because i feel like i don't belong here because im like always moody and sad..

Back to family stuff, my dad and mum + sister always have the highest IQ, and here i am im the dumbest of my family, my favorite subject is biology and theirs is history
and i feel like i don't really fit in the family because i did so many things wrong and its still chasing me..
I want people to forget about my ban, i want a fresh start.. i made a deal with this server, if i get ONE simple ban i get perm banned.. and i totally understand because this is just probation, and i should be happy for being unbanned.. but still i don't really feel free anymore.. i just want to push the reset button and start all over again because im just not happy anymore and i lost SO MANY FRIENDS...! This server actually was part of my life after all and i was close with my friends. and then losing them got me into tears but i don't like talking about touchy things..

I just want you to know that my life atm is shit and that i want to reset and be able to make a great application. with a lot of help and i just want some close friends that play on the server with me just like the first days i got online (begin 2014/end 2013)..

Thanks for reading..

poe · Jul 19, 2017

JokerBen said: ↑

Okay, there's quite a few things I want to let you know. I'm sorry that you're going through some issues IRL.

Number one, I don't know your family, what they're like personally, or how they act, so what I'm saying right now is without absolute certainty as it pertains to your situation. Provided the fact that they are reasonable people who value their own family, I would approach your situation this way. Sit them all down and take responsibility for your actions. Confess anything and everything. Don't lie. Don't blame other people.

When they see you claiming responsibility for your actions, you'll be forgiven. Easy. But, it's important that you don't harp on them for having negative feelings towards you as a result of something you did (stealing money, not listening to your mother, etc.). If your family is made up of decent people, your problem there is resolved.

You mention that your dad is out of work. In spirit of solidifying yourself with your family (not being the "disgrace") I would work exceptionally hard in school and then get a part-time job to help provide. If your family sees you take the initiative to help out, they will definitely forgive you. Remember, this is only about you righting your wrongs. Make it about them in the sense of helping out, but you should not be blaming them for any issues.

The next thing I want to touch on are your chances with staff. Since the summer of 2015, I've accumulated three warnings, six bans, and a permanent ban. November 2016, I appealed my permanent ban and it was lifted. The following February, I was promoted to staff. In the span of six months, I went from being permanently banned on every network platform to a moderator on all of the platforms. Now, I'm a Mod+. While behavioral history is taken into account when staff are recruited, it is almost never the deciding factor. We look for people who are willing to work hard, learn from their experiences, and give time to the server. So you're 100% wrong when you say you will not be staff.

Lastly, you're only dumb because you say you're dumb. No one really sees you as being dumb, but it is true to you because you deem it as true. You can fix that. Pursue advanced studies at school and take the initiative to put yourself in an educational environment where you don't feel dumb anymore.

Taking all what I've said into consideration, none of it is going to be easy. But, you need to try. If you don't at least attempt to better your situation, then things will only get worse. Thanks for reading this, and good luck.
Click to expand...

Thank you but there is one thing... Some staff member told me that if i made a apply i could get a harsh response.

poe · Jul 19, 2017

JokerBen said: ↑

You never know for sure until you try it. I applied seven times before I was accepted. Persistence and demonstration of effort is key.
Click to expand...

So there is like a really small chance that u will be accepted in 1 apply?

sool · Jul 19, 2017

Try your hardest to make your application different than other applies. ijah get a ton of applications each day and they do look for the best applies.

Kylie · Jul 21, 2017

Lmao I would never get staff if I applied, 2 perm bans. (still banned at the moment waiting for a reply lol) to many warnings, I'm childish too, the only thing that I'm good at is staying up and playing minecraft all night.

Braixen · Jul 21, 2017

Fam I think you need this comic a bit more than me

(Credit to Shenanigansen on Twitter)

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