It's finally done...

Presenting:
----ZeusV's Machinima that probably stinks----
Link to my machinima:

Big thanks to @8s1, @Supahhhhh, unhazy, EnderDiamond19 and Youwantmehoney for being the actors.
Please tell me what I can approve for my next machinima to make it better!!

Thanks for being awesome!!

 

Cool! Maybe you could change the font?
(also, can i be in the next one ;-;)

 

-Add Sound effects
-Different colored texts for different people instead of different texts
-Transitions are awkward
-The cameraman can be in spectator and F1 unless it's supposed to be first person or a still shot. Makes the film smoother.
-When the people talk, make them shake slightly, not so up and down b/c it looks strange with the rest of the video trying to be realistic
-The dialogue stays in the screen for a little too long
- On a tangent, the video seems stretched out and empty instead of being filled and fast paced, which doesn't help in this case
-Have multiple takes of one scene so you have something to work with
-You can leave someone's alt as the cameraman and cut the video to make it cleaner
-"I took you hear so you can see the field" Spelling mistakes can happen, but have other eyes check your video b4 you post it
-I suggest you do the same for the writing. I got a few chuckles but not a complete laughter (personally)

I liked this. I can tell you put a lot of work into the video. I'm sorry if I butchered your video, but you did say

, so...

If you need an extra writer, cameraman, actor, etc., just ask and I'll be happy to help! :D

 

the subtitles are kind of annoying to read
change the font and make them smaller and in a more convenient place

other than that... good machinima

 

Some suggestions from me are:

1. Keep the font, but change the colors.

2. Try to make the player's head move, as if they were talking.

3. Look out for spelling mistakes in Editing.

4. Do multiple takes of a scene before moving on.

5. Make sure your script is easy to follow, and always check by asking yourself "If someone showed this to me, would I find it funny and easy to follow?"

Other than that, I think your video is great, and don't feel down, everyone has to start somewhere. :)

Also, as an experienced actor for other popular YouTubers (Not like ExplodingTNT or Jerry And Harry popular, but they have a decent amount of subscribers.), I think it would be kind to offer my services if you ever need them. Just let me know! :D