Another confession?

Well I guess I should make this thread because it's actually something that I would like to let everyone know about.

I've been actually being quite the hypocrite recently. I've been telling everyone not to hide behind a mask, and to let everyone know who they really are, however it has been hard to accept this for myself, as I am constantly pretending to be someone I am not.

Everything from the music I hear to the certain games I play are almost the opposite of what I would take interest in.

I don't prefer to PvP, as it is just combat that will lead to flame wars in the end. I naturally only PvP now to record players who are using a hack client and to report them on these forums, but honestly, I feel as if PvP just isn't for me anymore.

I am constantly trying my best to have a non-hostile mentality and make a difference in the community of these PvP games, but even though I have done nothing wrong, I have a guilty conscience when I see a player upset over losing a game to me. I naturally try to tell them that I am no thug life PvPer, and that I don't see them as a "bad" player, or I don't have any feelings against them, but unfortunately, these players don't really understand.

Not only has PvP been different, but it is the community in general... The "thug life" mentality that these people have has taken over servers. Everything from trash talking to online "roasts" in game have formed a gang mentality that I try not to be a part of. Simply typing almost anything in chat will get you flamed at. These players have a "passive-aggressive" mentality in which they are able to inflict feelings of negativity on you without breaking any rules.

I am not affected by this, as I have learned not to care what others think of me if they are simply a troll, or a "thug life" PvPer with a high ego. I do have thick skin, and I could honestly not care what these people think of me, but it is just the community in general that has changed who I am. I just don't feel that I am fit to be a troll, a trash talker, or a person with gang mentality.

I have been changing myself and my interests too much, and everything from the actions I do, the games I have interest in, and the music I listen to has changed simply because I am afraid of judgement of other people. Changing my interests and opinions just to have the respect of others has driven me to feel I have lost who I really am. It sounds ridiculous, but I imagine I have an "audience" that is viewing my every movement and judging my every action.

Just to be free from this stress and from my alien identity, I want to confess in this thread that I don't want to continue in these PvP communities. I will admit that it is a very low priority thread to read, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I am different from who I say I am.

I find it hard to leave PvP behind as it is in fact very fun, and I enjoy the combat with other players, but the gang mentality of these players is what has made me feel alien to the sport. The feeling of being who you really are just isn't present there. I mainly just PvP these days to catch and record the users of hack clients, then later report them, as the fun in PvP is just gone for me. If I stop PvPing, I feel as if what I am worth falls to nothing as I am absolutely no help to this server in terms of reporting players.

I am sorry if this seems like a "cry for me" thread, because it is not. I simply just wanted to state who I really was, and hopefully this doesn't cross the drama thread guidelines.

Of course, if this thread is ignored, it's understandable, but it just feels better to be myself and not change who I am just to satisfy other's opinion on me.

Hopefully this doesn't cause any negative feelings or damage to my character. I hope you can all understand where I'm coming from.

-Sirius

 

Honestly, if you stop doing PvP, it doesn't make you less important than what you think. Forcing something onto yourself only warps your personality and identity, trust me, I've had a few friends who've done this. If you want to stop doing PvP, feel free to, don't let others judge you. However, if you really, really want to stay with PvP, I'd suggest bringing a few friends with you, preferably in a Skype call, it makes it more fun. Whenever I play multiplayer games online, like Halo or Battlefield, having a few friends in an Xbox Live party with me makes it so much more fun to play.

 

Thanks for the support. It just feels like the thug life mentality in PvP is what destroyed its purpose. There is nothing to really be done, as it isn't report worthy nor will it ever stop, but sometimes it just becomes so common that you simply can't even chat without being flamed. It's almost as if people are intentionally looking for someone to "roast". I don't like to complain, but to be honest, it is very immature and I don't understand the intention behind it.

The ironic fact is that I actually almost fell victim to this about a year ago. I'm glad that I had the experience which forced me to stop going down the path.

I do say not to let others affect you, but to be honest, it's getting to the point where we simply can't just play the game without being called a certain term, such as "ez", "tryhard", "noob", "smug", "pay2win", etc.