Tell me your favorite jokes

Knock knock,

Who's there?

Me.

Me who?

Uh.... Can I go in now?

 

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middleof the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, buthis dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having BEEP with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized somethingand thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, andthe future is full of shit!"

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

 

So there were 3 kids at school early, named Zip, Willy and Pea

Zip was on top of a cupboard, Willy was IN a cupboard, while Pea was messing around in the classroom. So the teacher comes in and says... "Zip, down! Willy, out! And Pea in the corner!"


Knock knock jokes

Knock knock
Who's there?
Isabell
Isabell who?
Isabell not workin?

Knock knock
Who's there?
Mikey
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn't fit throu the door

Knock kncok
Who's there?
YoMama
YoMama who?
YoMama is so fat, she got arrested for holding 10 pounds OF CRACK!!!

 

I said that one ages ago xD

 

And I knew how, exactly? Why does that even matter?

 

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe

 

I tried to catch fog, but I mist.

What do they do when scientists die?
They Barium

 

You posted 3 times in a row dude :/
You can just click that edit button
*+4 times...

 

Please don't quadruple and/or double post as @_HUBBLE_ said. Use the edit button please.

Thank you.

 

Report the post instead of publicly trying to enforce the rules, next time. ;) @_HUBBLE_ , this is also a message for you.

Thanks :)

@AlphaCrayCway, please, do not double post. If you are able to combine messages, please do so next time.

Back to the amazingly funny jokes people tell here.

 

I'm so hot that when I walk near soup, IT'S tongue burns.

 

A blind man walks into a bar. And a chair. And a table.

 

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restoraunt? Cause he had to give of a bill.

 

this thread turned into so much ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) jokes damn.

 

Lol

 

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.

 

DEEZ NUTZ

GOT EMMMMMM

 

<3

 

Biggest joke ever:

Spoiler: Explanation

When Disney bought Star Wars c: