Rules of Wal-Mart

If you don't buy stuff at our store you will remove every photo on the internet that is against walmart

within the next hour.

 

Take a dump in the nearest refrigerator before exiting Walmart.

 

Upon exiting you must salute a statue of Kim Jong Un or die. Possibly both if it's a Tuesday.

 

For every step you take, pay an extra dollar at the cash register
We put pedometers on you when you enter

 

If you are caught stealing an item, you must fight* the manager who will be armed in close combat for the item. (The more valuable the item, the more dangerous the weapon the manager uses against you.)

*Wal-Mart is not responsible for any injuries caused by the mistake of attempting to steal an item from the store.

 

You must complete Eminem's rap "Rap God" whilsts cartwheeling within 1m 33s.

 

You MUST scare 5 children in the clothes department before you can try on/buy clothes

 

Make an entire Thanksgiving dinner with the people in the store when the air raid siren goes off. Then send the completed meal to the starving children of Africa.

 

If it begins to rain outside, you must try to use your shopping cart as your umbrella in whatever way you see most beneficial.

 

Also if it rains you MUST cry uncontrollably throughout the entire store

 

If it starts raining and you are currently in the store then go outside, start tap-dancing and sing "Singin' in the Rain"

 

If it snows outside during your visit to the store, you must ask the cashier "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

(Yes, I did.)

 

Every time it is someone's birthday, you must pour mayonnaise on their chest and slap it with a tennis racket.

 

You must be hawt af. And if you are hawt af you must walk around shirtless and only hawt guys are allowed. Im addicted to hawt guys...

You must have a panda on your shoulder to enter.

 

You have to be wearing a duck mask to make any sort of purchases。 Violators will have to wear chicken feathers for a day。

 

You need to buy a license from us to buy stuff, but before you can buy stuff you need a license so therefore I made a paradox
You can't buy anything yaay :D

 

Here in WalMart, we have a rule stating that there is an exception to every rule, including this one.

Have fun with that paradox xD

 

All flooring in the stores must be built with lightbulbs, dead leaves, and the contents of the nearest dumpster. Also, all food products must be entirely touching the floor for 5 minutes before being sold.

 

WalMart is illegal in every state in the Union, except the great state of Texas.