I'm Not Dead.

If you saw my last thread, I said I was committing suicide. I was actually going to. But I had enough strength left inside of me to call a suicide hotline and they helped me out. My parents decided not to take me to the hospital this time. (for reasons I decided not to say) I know spawnnugget28 (An old minecraft friend that I used to know in real life) went on my account to see what happened and why I attempted to kill myself. But she now knows that I am alive so you won't be seeing her on my account anymore. I'm going to be open about and tell you why I tried. I was heavily cyberbullied. Yes, I could have just left this server. But I still had a few friends left other than the ones who abandoned me. And you may think that I'm deing overdramatic and you are entitled to your opinions but let me say, This server is all I have. My friends on this server, are the only friends I have. My social anxiety got worse this summer and I can barely think abut entering highschool without having my heart race and my hands feel clammy. And Yes. I could have reported each and every one of them. But it wasn't exactly an instant relief from them. I also felt obligated to be on the server since I donated $30. But I now know (thanks to Amanda on the other end of the phone that night.) I am worth more than 30 dollars. Some of you may have a different opinion on this but before you insult me or criticize me, It was not just the bullying. It's many other things going on in my life. But the bullying triggered it. I felt trapped, and felt that there was no other answer. I felt worthless, especially. Like I didn't belong on earth. My life didn't feel precious no matter how many people told me it was. My depression comes in waves. And sometimes, I wipeout. Right now I'd say the tide is calm. And I don't know if I'll relapse again, but for now, I'd say I'm okay. There will be a less likely chance of me relapsing because I compiled different coping mechanisms in a box for safe keeping. I'm not fully recovered and I'm not even sure anyone cares about this. But I just wanted to say No. I did not succeed in killing myself. I am alive.

 

Please don't scare us like that again.
If somebody's cyberbullying you, report them. I know it's hard to do that sometimes, but if you tell a staff member, they will deal with it.
Good to hear you're alright. :)

 

OH. MY. GOD. I am so happy, you don't even know. I honestly thought that you were dead and I actually cried a bit that day. spawnnugget28 talked to me on creative, asking me of your suicide. I'm so happy that you are back, but PLEASE don't scare me or anybody else like that. Glad to have you back!

 

I'm actually shocked that thread was for real! Remember your life is precious no matter what. I know this can be difficult but try to ignore cyberbullies and report them. I hope you're alright now. :)

 

I never saw you say you were gonna kill yourself, and I don't know you that well, but I'm glad you didn't.

If it happens again, report people. Don't take s**t from anybody.

Enjoy living :D