The Hound of the Immortals, Chapter 1.

Story removed. My parents restrict me of using names.

 

Cool o_O

 

I would say 9/10. It has to have a little more detail. For example, you go from 5 kids going to school, and all of a sudden, the teachers drop them there just like that? And the Teacher doesn't even care what or how the food appears. He's just like, Oh there is food here mysteriously, goodbye, Have fun for the rest of your lives!

Yeah, A little more detail, and some words to help the story flow more.

But other than that, it's an amazing story. Good Job!

Also, I am not hating or anything, this is just constructive criticism.

 

^ The teacher seems mysterious, like special attention should be kept on him.

It's cool, you've been writing a lot lately

 

Writing stories at 5:30 AM, most likely why I seem like I put less work to it. I actually enjoy it when you point out my mistakes as it can help me improve on my writing skills. About the school, I suppose I can include a backstory/flashback in a later chapter as they recall what their lives are like before they lived their lives in the said mansion. Many thanks.

Thanks for the support Mcc. I did notice that I wrote a lot recently, but that is because I enjoy doing so.

Spoiler: Do not click unless you are okay with sort of spoiling a later chapter (About chapter 7 or so.)

The teacher may be one of the main antagonists.