Make me say some stuff.

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

pls xd

 

I am singing along
the asmr is incredible pls do more
I love it
:)

 

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0AS4JD69sCy
Instrumental might be slightly out of sync sorry lol

 

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

 

yes please that song

I knew the other people posted it, I did a meme Noah

 

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. I wager you couldn't empty a boot of excrement were the instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

 

Spoiler: oh

Spoiler: hell

Spoiler: to

Spoiler: the

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: ohk

Spoiler: go away you bitch

Spoiler: i sometimes wish id never been born at all

Spoiler: i dont wanna die

Spoiler: go away

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: no

Spoiler: no

What the ffffffffffffuck did you just ffffffucking say about me, you little pitch? I’ll have you know, that I graduated top. of my class .in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda. I have over 300 confirmed kills and I am trained in gorilla warfare. I’m (hmph) I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me, but just another target. I will wipe you the ffffffuck out with precision .the likes of which. has never been seen before on this Earth. and you mark my fucking words. You think you can get away? with saying that shit to me? over the Internet? Think again, fffffucker. As we speak. I am contacting. my secret network. of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm, that wipes out the pathetic little thing, you call your life. You’re ffffffffucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven. hundred. ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it. to its full extent. to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continen, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little, “clever”, comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, and you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, hehehehehehe, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

i have a request

 

AHAHAHAHAH she kinda does shit
@matrizzle how ironic

 

that's because it is you

Spoiler: say this pls

whоm'st'd've'dist'd'n't'st'd've'll's'd've're'n't'y'all'll'ven't't'whom'st'd'y'all've'nt'll've'y'all'oughtn'tt'shan't've'there'dn't'vet'be'st'dn'mightn't'ven't'st've'ten'y'all'st'd'n't've'll'on't'vehe'd'whom'st'd've'dist'd'n't'st'd've'll's'd've're'n't'y'all'll'ven't't'whom'st'd'y'all've'nt'll've'y'all'oughtn'tt'shan't've'there'dn't'vet'be'st'dn'mightn't'ven't'st've'ten'y'all'st'd'n't've'll'on't'vehe'd'whom'st'd've'dist'd'n't'st'd've'll's'd've're'n't'y'all'll'ven't't'whom'st'd'y'all've'nt'll've'y'all'oughtn'tt'shan't've'there'dn't'vet'be'st'dn'mightn't'ven't'st've'ten'y'all'st'd'n't've'll'on't'vehe'd'whom'st'd've'dist'd'n't'st'd've'll's'd've're'n't'y'all'll'ven't't'whom'st'd'y'all've'nt'll've'y'all'oughtn'tt'shan't've'there'dn't'vet'be'st'dn'mightn't'ven't'st've'ten'y'all'st'd'n't've'll'on't'vehe'd'whom'st'd've'dist'd'n't'st'd've'll's'd've're'n't'y'all'll'ven't't'whom'st'd'y'all've'nt'll've'y'all'oughtn'tt'shan't've'there'dn't'vet'be'st'dn'mightn't'vеn'‌t

 

Please. Please I know it's long but pls

Spoiler: All the text is in here that I want you to say lol

Red everything in blue ''magically'' and all, like the chorus. Also, ignore the red idk why that is

Hi, you're on a rock floating in space. Pretty cool, huh? Some of it's water. Fuck it, actually, most of it's water. I can't even get from here to there without buying a boat.

It's sad. I'm sad. I miss you.

How did this happen?

A long time ago- Actually, never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like I said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why it's been everywhere. It's been so everywhere, you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how "every" it gets.

A long pause

Forget this. I wanna be something. Go somewhere. Do something. I want things to change. I want to invent time and space, and I know it's possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. I just don't know when to start, and that's exactly where it started.

Ooh, I paused it. I think there's a universe now. What's it made of?

Quarks and stuff!

Ah, that's a thing, in a place. Don't like it? Try a new place, at a different time. Try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier, but it's not empty yet. It's still very full and about a kjghpillion degrees.

Great news! The quarks are now happily married and in groups of three, called a proton or a neutron, and there's something else floating around too that wants to join in but can't because it's still too-

HOT

Great news! The protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other. Some of them even doubled up.

Great news! The electrons have now joined in. Congratulations! The world is now a bunch of gas in space, but it's getting closer together...

...and it's getting closer together...

...and it's getting closer toget-

It's a star!

New shit just got made. Some stars burn out and die. Bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit...

Space dust!

Oh and

• Nico nico ni~
• I have osteoporosis
• Baka!

Ye that's it thanks ((((;

 

you forgot:

• I have crippling depression
• I'm gay

 

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side, he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

 

Just the hello part before teacher gets mad because the rest is complete Сука language

 

"throw another shrimp on the barbie m8"
"come on m8 take it down to the staysh at franga"
"lez go to the servo for some ciggies and hit up the bottle o m8 before arvo"
Say all of the above with the best Aussie accent you got.
these are all the most stereotypical aussie sentences I could think of

Also:
"omg mappy you are so cool ily so much how are you so cool oml mapppypypypypyp aaaa"
I request this to be in the most excited yet sarcastic tone you can manage

tyvm

 

WHEN YOU REALIZE A GIRL HAS A DEEPER VOICE THAN YOU
-Siri where's the nearest bridge?-

 

*cough* tell me about it *cough*

 

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1uIYRkkAvcY

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0FpXmPR3Jz1

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0XACGDSbvoN

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1wsYVYGBlks

http://vocaroo.com/i/s194xOxvFS9n

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0auzI4D8l0p
I got my tongue tied at one point but I kept going yeet

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1iqbKY9LfMJ

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Kqf5RqzAzQ

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0t7VthGu2aF
(Loud maniac laughter warning, also thanks for transcribing this for me @Konohito )

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0ipWwq1AGYA I hope I got it right.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1zXP8OAmuSA (Volume warning again)

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1pku21fRHOi

 

wtf again